3 Signs of Deeply Self-Destructive Person

Psychologists always try to find reasons behind such behavior.

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You may think you have no self-destructive behavior. You don’t know this exactly. Some of your behavior might be normal for you, but not for everyone. Look at your life carefully and analyze yourself. You might realize you have some self-destructive signs once you remember your dreams, relationships, and accomplishments.

It doesn’t mean you develop self-destructive habits. But you might have some of them which worth to check. If you find similar signs of self-destructive habits, it’s time to improve yourself. You’ll understand the reasons behind your behavior and will be ready to remove them.

While psychologists can help you with self-destructive behavior, it doesn’t mean you can’t handle it without their help.

1. Laziness

Laziness is one of the self-destructive signs. It has a lot of forms, and its level may vary. If you have self-destruction, it means you’re not ready to take action or responsibility. If you read a lot of negative stories, it’ll affect you. Group Laziness research by Scientific Journal Publishers shows how group laziness affects you. Here is what research says:

Social loafing has been defined as a phenomenon in which people exhibit a sizable decrease in individual effort when performing in groups as compared to when they perform alone, and has been regarded as a state variable. In this study, we instead conceptualized social loafing as a habitual response, given that many people have been found to be susceptible to social loafing in group tasks.

If you’re connected to people who feel laziness, it’ll affect you. I have an example of group laziness effect in my life. When I was working full time, I got a pain in my back. I visited a doctor, and he told me to start a gym. I bought a gym membership and started exercises.

There were a few girls only and no guys in the gym. My first day was very productive. On the second day, I knew all girls already. On the third day, we talked more than were doing exercises. We went to the cafe on the fourth day because no one was doing the gym already. My experience shows how laziness of doing gym from girls came to me. I didn’t fight against it. I accepted it. I failed in war with group laziness. If you have laziness — it means you’re not ready to take action or responsibility.

You blame someone because of group laziness. But there are no chances for individual laziness. In Rational Laziness research by Gunn Elisabeth Birkelund, you’ll find rational laziness term. Rational Laziness based on time deciding. When you have a limited time, your brain will make the quickest decision, which seems to be the simplest one.

I want to share my experience to show individual laziness habit with a limited time. I was looking for a new job a few years ago. I needed to pay for my apartment. There was little time for a job search. Within a week, I got many positions. I selected the best company and went right away. The company didn’t choose me. Frustration took over my mind.

I agreed to another job proposal with less compensation amount. I was afraid of taking more time for interviews. My brain commanded me to take what I can get right away. My strategy was incorrect in two directions. First, I went only for one interview instead of many. It was better to schedule an interview with other companies and go to the best one after. If I did so, I’ve had experience and knowledge of improving for my next interview.

But because of time pressure, I went faster. That was my mistake. Second, once I failed in my interview, I should have to learn lessons. I should have to improve my chances for the next interview. I also didn’t do it because of time pressure. I was lazy to do this. I didn’t want to take action and selected another job with less compensation and benefits.

Life brings you lessons we need to go with. You shouldn’t give up if you find difficulties on your road. If you feel upset, you need to find inspiration. Create a list of what you want. Make it a priority. If you don’t know where to start, use this goals list. This article will help you work with your goals.

You also got your job, or you’re looking for a job. You may have similar situations in your life. If your laziness will take over your mind, it’s a sign you need to fight against it.

2. Social Isolation

Self-destructive people isolate themselves from their peers and society. There is an interesting tendency of feeling better without the surrounding people. It feels like communication might hurt you. If you’re doing the same, you might have a sign of self-destruction.

Research on social support, loneliness, and social isolation by Rook, Karen S. confirmed isolated behavior. It seems like loneliness is the best way for you to concentrate on your problem. That how the most self-destructive people think.

Loneliness researchers view social ties as an intrinsic goal in themselves. They defined social isolation as an aim condition. It involves a lack of integration into social networks. Yes, in some situations, loneliness helps you to concentrate better. It doesn’t mean you should stop talking with actual people and dive into social media.

If you have one face in reality but different in social media, you need to work with it. If you replace actual communication with social media, you need to think about why you are doing this. A self-destructive person thinks self-isolation is good for surrounding people. They’re doing the world a favor. But they’re harming themselves and everyone who cares for them.

There is more danger than diving into social media instead of actual communication. Alienation and Isolation From the Body research by Reinhold S.L. explain why people self-harm themselves. It also explains their reasons.

The dangers faced by individuals who use self-harming coping behaviors. This might be eating disorders and self-mutilation. Unfortunately, more and more people try this each year. Psychologists always try to find reasons behind such behavior. They help people back to normal life. Self-harming may have different forms. If you eat too much, it’s one of them.

I had a life situation like this. I worked almost full time for two employers. That means 14–16 hours per day sometimes. It was a short contract for a month.

Every day I felt depressed because of my jobs. There was an enormous amount of tasks I needed to do. And I had deadlines. After one week in such a schedule, I felt too weak. I work in the tech industry. It means my brain should generate innovative solutions. At some point, I needed powers to continue my tasks. I needed more energy. I ate more cakes, sugar because I believed it’ll stimulate my brain to work faster.

The work was ready after one month. But I got a few kilograms and psychology issues. I was nervous and hated that I ate too much for the entire month. My trigger was enormous pressure from jobs, but you might have other reasons to eat and self-harm by it. The truth is, it won’t help you.

It would be best if you dive into the real reason you started to self-harm. You need to focus on the initial problem. If you need the help of a psychologist, use it. In my case, I understood I don’t want to work over eight hours per day.

If you feel depressed or have problems, think about decisions. Not about the problem itself. Life isn’t over with your current day. Tomorrow is going to be much better if you do actions right away. Accept your problems and try to find solutions. If you can’t do it by yourself, ask for advice from professionals. You can attend a psychologist with a schedule to put in place steps for your better life. Don’t give up.

3. Self-Criticism

You look at the TV and think how cool is X superstar. You’re not. You have a successful neighbor who earns more than you. You’re not. You always dreamed about X thing, but you can’t afford it. Others can. You feel so guilty about actions you didn’t do but not ready to do them. You criticize yourself when you compare yourself with others.

And while self-criticism is for everyone, the largest number of people are young, especially students who just started adult life. Rick Warren and others' self-criticism and self-compassion book show that self-criticism is a transdiagnostic risk factor for diverse psychopathology forms.

In my student life, I also compared myself with successful and popular people. I thought their success is what I need. I want to be like them. But I can’t repeat their career path. If I did the same things they were doing, I can’t succeed. I was angry with myself and started to self-criticize.

After a while, I understood I couldn’t achieve the same results. And there is a reason behind it. Being a student only, I have to start my own journey to get what I want from life. I understand it now.

If you compare yourself to others, it’s better to stop doing so. You can’t be like someone else. You have your own life path. If you’re a doctor, you can’t replicate superstar success. And so on. There is no need to copy someone. You can’t be better than the original human. If you can succeed as an X person, you’ll be a duplicate of an original version.

That’s why self-criticism doesn’t help you achieve the results you expect. Instead, it’s better to focus on your life goals. Try to create a roadmap for what you want from a life based on your experience. You know your strength. It’s better to grow as you are, but not invent a new person from yourself. It doesn’t work like that.

Final Thoughts

Self-destruction is hard to fight if you live with it for a long time. That’s why it’s better to analyze your hobbits today. If you find any of the three signs of self-deductive behavior, it’s time to improve yourself. By getting rid of self-deductive signs, you’ll better concentrate on your goals. You can create a roadmap with milestones and work on its implementation.

Whether you have a sign of laziness, social isolation, or self-criticism, it’s time to analyze what you’re doing wrong. If you can’t handle your signs alone, you can ask for professional help. With a helpful schedule, specialists can remove unnecessary signs from you. Your life is in your hands, and only you rule it. Not self-destruction, but you. A happy and healthy life is what everyone deserves. You are one of them.

Written by

Designer, Startupper & Tech Woman. She/her. I write about Design, Technology & Business. 🇺🇦 🇺🇸 Join my publication https://medium.com/ux-designers-club

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